Stuff White People Like...

Well, I visited Portland over the weekend, and visited the best bookstore on the planet (Powells) while I was there. I didn't realize it on my own, but the reason there are so many good bookstores and coffee shops in the Northwest is because it rains a lot in the winter. Umm, okay... sometimes I'm a little slow to pick up obvious things like that. But the book was entitled "Stuff White People Like" and it's a satirical take on getting to know and befriend white people. However, a lot of what the author talks about is true, and applicable to liberal folks like myself (although I don't drink coffee, or eat tofu). But anyway, here is one entry which you can also locate on the website of the same name. It's funny, because it's true that I'm a hypocrite when it comes to some corporations, so I thought I would point that out. By the way, Home Depot said that my $100 check is in the mail, so we shall see!


#82 Hating Corporations
March 5, 2008 by clander

One of the more popular white person activities of the past fifteen years is attempting to educate others on the evils of multi-national corporations. White people love nothing more than explaining to you how Wal*Mart, McDonalds, Microsoft, Halliburton are destroying the Earth’s culture and resources.
While the growth of multi-national corporations can be attributed to a number of complex social, economic and political factors, many white people prefer to take the word of two trusted sources: No Logo and AdBusters.
Published in 2000, No Logo has been responsible for more white person “enlightenment” than any book since the burning of the library at Alexandria. By reading this one magic book, white people are able to get a full grasp on the evils of multi-national corporations and then regurgitate it to friends and family.
Advanced white people will supplement No Logo with a subscription to AdBusters, where they will learn how to subvert corporate culture and return it to the masses. Specifically, this means taking ads and redoing them to give a negative message about a product. Apparently the belief is that when other people see this ad, they will be hit with an epiphany that their entire existence has been a Matrix-style manufactured universe.
If you plan to engage in lengthy conversations or get high with white people it is recommended that you read No Logo or one issue of AdBusters. Failing that, it is acceptable to buy a copy to leave on your coffee table. When white people see it, they will recognize you as someone who can see through the advertising and has a proper perspective on life.
When engaging in a conversation about corporate evils it is important to NEVER, EVER mention Apple Computers, Target or Ikea in the same breath as the companies mentioned earlier. White people prefer to hate corporations that don’t make stuff that they like.
Following these simple steps can help you gain the trust and respect of white people in a relatively short period of time.

Top 5 Companies I Choose To Boycott As A Loyal American Consumer

1. Wal-Mart (the abuses suffered upon the American people are too numerous to mention)
2. Best Buy (a history of poor service, and class action lawsuits)
3. TGI Fridays (you would too, if you knew what I know)
4. George Bush (okay, so he's a person, but see rationale for #1)
5. Home Depot (recent additon to the top five)

Congratulations, Home Depot for now cracking the infamous 5 Worst Companies Known For Their Evil And Shifty Ways! Now, I will let you know they still have a shot at redemption, but it is unlikely at this point. I will share the story below.

It has been awhile since I have written anything here, and as always it is my feeling of perceived injustice that finally gets my creative juices flowing. So recently I had purchased a shed from the company in question, as part of their promotion for a rebate of $100. Simple, right? I needed a shed (in lieu of a garage here in Eugene...it's weird, a lot of homes here don't have garages or basements...the basements I do understand though because of all the water) and I did some research and found what I wanted at Home Depot. I also liked the fact that they had a special going at the time with an additional rebate of a hundred bucks. I made the purchase, and filled out the proper form for the rebate right at the store. Well, because the shed still had to be delivered to my home address and then assembled, I was unable to file for the rebate right then and there. Okay, that's fair enough. The clerk processing my sale was kind enough to make an extra copy of the invoice, the receipt, the description of the shed and the work I wanted done... "Everything I would need to have my rebate expeditiously processed." So far so good.

Although I am not widely known for my organizational skills, I retained all the information I needed in a file (I'm getting better, this is what my dad would've done) along with all of the research I had done on garden sheds. So it was easy enough to mail the paperwork the clerk had given me and my rebate form to Home Depot following the installation. Of course, they say to wait 6-8 weeks for processing upon receipt of the information (nobody can do anything nowadays before 6-8 weeks...have you noticed this? This plague of poor customer service is everywhere...I think I am going to start telling companies wanting my business I'll think about it for 6-8 weeks before getting back to them. Or better yet, telling my lenders that I'll pay their bills in 6-8 weeks...that's only fair, right?).

So sure enough, 2 months go by (and I honestly forgot about the $100...this is part of their plan, of course) when I received a letter in the mail from Home Depot. It was one of those envelopes where you tear off the sides, so naturally I assumed it was a check. I open up the envelope, and to my surprise it is a letter reading the following:
"Your SSCI/receipt did not show the minimum purchase price or the SSCI/receipt did not show purcahse of a valid UPC/SKU." (yes, purchase was misspelled in the letter...I laughed).

"What the crap is that supposed to mean?" First of all, the nice cashier gave me a copy of all the documents and receipts, which I sent in with the rebate form. They confirmed that the shed was the right model for the promotion at the time of sale. And of course, the company has all the information they need IN THEIR COMPUTER! But this would be too hard to do, look up the sale information from one of their own stores. Or better yet, make a simple phone call. Instead, they deny my claim and insist that I work for my $100 by making phone calls, and visiting their customer service section on the web. What a joke, their hours are ridiculous (no weekend hours, even though they have stores open all weekend) and their customer service number just refers you back to the website. So I have 30 days to "resolve" the issue, which I take to mean that I have 30 more days of spinning my wheels before they kick me to the curb again.

I still have a sliver of hope that they will make it right...they have to, right? I did everything I was asked to do, I purchased their product and sent in their precious paperwork, but just like those evil insurance companies that think more about GREED than serving their customers I am becoming less optimistic about my chances. Hmm...I will let you know how it turns out, but in the meantime I can vent. On a more positive note, I plan on blatantly stealing pictures of the annual Festivus gathering from both of my sisters since they actually have cameras and know how to use them and update their blogs on time (they look great!). So I will hopefully have more information here soon...have a good day!

Fishing heaven...

Kramer's bachelor party in the great Northwoods was a rousing success, and I am hoping that we'll have a cd full of pictures soon. In the meantime, Brandon sent me a couple of pictures that I'll include of the 33 inch northern I caught. The weather was stormy, but the houseboat and captain (Justin's dad Rich) were true and we had an unbelievable time. The weather broke enough on the second day to see some sun, and then have a feast of a fish fry (my attempt at alliteration). Seriously, I might have eaten more fish in one week to equal the amount I have eaten in my whole life...it was that good. We saw a ton of Minnesota loons, eagles, and even a deer swam up to our small island where we docked the boat at night (This was initially a major issue because several of us rookies assumed that by renting a houseboat we would just float in the middle of the lake at night and drift off to sleep...umm, no. That sounds real nice and idyllic until you realized that there would be whitecaps busting against the boat at night and we would have rocked endlessly. Instead, we docked at night in a quiet cove off of one of the hundreds of islands and slept peacefully. At least, those of us who didn't get up at 4am every morning to go fish some more slept peacefully. Good call, Kramer).

Anyway, the trip was amazing...it was so good to have my fishing fix and it was a ton of fun to catch up with a lot of old friends. Overall, a great way to celebrate his upcoming nuptials. And everyone caught fish...walleye, small mouth bass, northern, even muskie. I am traveling again for work this week before heading back to Missouri for Festivus, so time is short. But I look forward to updating more pictures and then doing some additional fishing back on Uncle David's pond. :-)

Fishing in Canada...

Rebecca was nice enough to send along this photo of my dad so that I could include it, I believe the caption to the picture is "Bragging Rights." I've seen it before, but it's perfect.

I'm on my way to Portland, then to Seattle, and then Minneapolis, and finally I arrive in the Boundary Waters on Wednesday afternoon. Wish me luck!

Fishing-palooza

Okay, so next week is the big trip to International Falls, MN to go fishing on a houseboat for 3 days...how cool is that? It will be cold, and probably a little windy, but a once in a lifetime trip to the great northwoods to fish and explore the Boundary Waters. As I have been packing and preparing for the trip, I couldn't be happier...one of the greatest benefits so far, other than catching up with a bunch of friends I haven't seen in awhile, has been a little unusual. And I mean that in a good way. :-)

So, everyone knows that my Dad was a huge fisherman, although this particular gene didn't get handed down to me. I like fishing, but I don't have the same passion that was there for my father. In fact, I can't remember the last time that I went...ice fishing in Missouri, perhaps? Anyway, the coolest thing has been happening lately...I have been dreaming about fishing A LOT. And everytime I do, my Dad has been in the dreams with me. I have really fond memories of family trips to Canada to go fishing for walleye, and hanging out in a cabin in the woods for a week. One week, I went fishing everyday and didn't catch a thing but I still had a great time (although I think I complained a lot, but hey! I was eleven). But even though I have all these fun memories, they haven't really come up until I have been dreaming about fishing in the great white north. And my Dad is there guiding my cast, or joking about the whopper that got away, or frying up the catch from the day for dinner as we all sit around and play cards. By participating in something that my Dad loved, he has come back to me in a vivid way. Now, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of my father (especially now that I am a sales manager on the road like he had been for awhile, very ironic), but any time I can wake up in the morning and savor a little more of him...it's a great day. I still miss him so much, but the pain subsides for just a little while, and I'll take whatever I can get.

Who knows, maybe I'll get out the golf clubs next weekend... :-)

Where in the world is International Falls, Minnesota?

Real quick, I am including a map link of the location where I will be fishing next week...I am super stoked that I'm attending a bachelor party 3-day fishing extravaganza up near the Boundary Waters in Minnesota. Evidently, the ice just melted off the lake a couple of weeks ago. A group of 7 of us are renting a houseboat for a couple of days, and seeing who can catch the biggest fish. Sadly, I know this will not be me...but I will hold my own in the cribbage tournament. Check this out, and I will add more later :-)

http://www.nps.gov/voya/planyourvisit/upload/RendezvousMap2006.pdf

On the road again, and Wal-Mart is bad for your health...

I am starting to get used to traveling every week, either for my job or just for fun. I always have traveled as much as possible for family, concerts, and vacations...but now that I'm on the road a lot for work it seems I am never home. Which means I haven't been updating the blog much. Or really at all. So I have a new pledge to blogging more often...which also coincides with my new workout regime. We'll see if one of these new ventures prevails, or if they will somehow cancel each other out leaving me back where I started (it's too optimistic to believe that both these new habits will stick, I am a realist).

The good thing about traveling in Oregon is that the scenery is amazing...I hope that I never take it for granted. There are certain beautiful spots I have visited in Colorado, Belize, and Norway that I will never forget, but I am discovering more about Oregon every day and loving it. And I haven't even been to a lot of the lighthouses or Crater Lake just yet...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24831118/

Please also visit the link above to read about the little girl who decided to go shopping at Wal-Mart the other day, only to have the gates of hell open and present her with a scorpion instead. Of course, the scorpion bit her. If you mess with the devil, you're going to get burned. It reminded me of "Clash of the Titans" where Harry Hamlin has to fight off the scorpions before cutting off the head of Medusa. This was, of course, before he learned how to cha-cha on Dancing With the Stars.